No matter where you are in the world of weed, you can always count on Twitter to provide timely, insightful, and just plain funny commentary that is joyously — and painfully — relatable. We all enjoy the stoner’s life, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t fraught with its own set of challenges, trials, tribulations, and hilarious blunders.
Here are the must-see weed tweets that illustrate how it’s hard out there for a stoner.
When You Hit the Blunt Too Hard
When u hit the blunt too hard & u choke for two straight minutes but now it’s your turn again & you have to act like you’re not dying pic.twitter.com/kQnwuw50D6
— Stoned 2 the Bone (@stoned2thabones) July 14, 2018
Ah, the ancient art of holding it all in when you hit that blunt too hard — a necessary evil for generations of tokers.
Cereal: Friend or Foe?
@highandhippie The other day I fixed a bowl of cereal and put the milk under the sink. #TooStonedForLife
— Montana Mountain Man (@OpsImHighAgain) November 8, 2013
The late-night munchies can be a true test of a stoner’s home-navigation skills — especially when cereal is involved. From the kitchen cupboards to the pantry shelf, to the cold, dark cave under your sink — a stoner’s domicile can become a minefield of places to absent-mindedly leave a carton of milk, loaf of bread, or a tub of butter when in the throes of a dank-ass sesh.
Can’t Taste my Grilled Cheese with All This Racket
“One time I got so high I had to turn down my TV because I couldn’t taste my Grilled Cheese” – University of Missouri Kansas City
— High Storytime (@TheTimeIGotHigh) July 29, 2014
Speaking of munchies, here’s something every seasoned stoner knows: Sometimes you get so lit you have to resort to some good ol’ fashioned irrational behavior just to enjoy a grilled cheese.
— Stoner Quotes (@QuotesofaStoner) May 20, 2014
The elusive lighter — an essential stoner’s tool so prone to disappearing it must have stood up and run away.
Wake and Bake Gone Wrong
— Sara R (@poker_sara) July 29, 2018
A sadder sight we’ve never seen — the makings of a great wake-and-bake, swiftly changed by the cruel hand of fate into a puddle of broken dreams.
High as Duck
Can you relate?? #stonerhumor #420humor #humor #dankmemes #weedmemes #weedhumor #high_larry_us #maryjane #420life #iwillmarrymary #stoner #gethigh #stonerdaily #stonerproblems #pothead #wakeandbake #fourtwenty #highaf #high #weshouldsesh #weshouldsmoke #thc #cbd #baked #stoned pic.twitter.com/U8dnS2lbJp
— Green Goddess Supply (@GreenGoddessSup) October 12, 2018
That goddamn autocorrect, amiright? Just when you thought your phone knew you well enough to know you’re high AF often, and high as “duck” … never.
When You High AF and the Internet Becomes Rocket Science
— ;issa queen✨ (@_Stonerlyfe_) July 14, 2014
Don’t worry, you may be stoned, but eventually, you’ll figure out how to use the Internet again. It may just take a few extra steps, such as staring deeply into the pixels on your screen for 20 minutes and typing out some nonsense.
Wherever You Go, Weed Will Follow
— 💓 sammi sweet-heart 💓 (@samasorex) May 11, 2019
Wearing your stoner’s badge with pride is one thing.
‘Where my vape pen at?! Jk it’s right here.’
Ok I have no idea where my vape pen is I have looked everywhERE AND I JUST. SAW IT. pic.twitter.com/3jMBVVYHjS
— ♡ Chяis ♡ (@HowChrisCsIt) May 20, 2019
Those pesky vape pens — second only to lighters in their ability to get lost and found, and lost and found again.
The Lighter Strikes Back
— Herb (@Herbworthy) November 6, 2017
How many times has your lighter abandoned you only to hook up with your friends? You deserve better.
That 9-to-5 Life
When your boss calls a last-minute Friday meeting and you jumped the gun on your edible. pic.twitter.com/5I1SuNKScS
— Birddogs (@birddogs) March 3, 2017
Whoops. Honestly, though, your boss should have known better.
A Major Solution to a Minor Inconvenience
Me lighting a blunt after a minor inconvenience pic.twitter.com/BBA8kc2vt4
— Stoned 2 the Bone (@stoned2thabones) March 13, 2018
When all else fails, light a blunt and don’t let the small stuff get you down.
Andy Andersen is a writer at Weedmaps with a bachelor’s degree in English and German Studies. When he’s not working on useful, engaging content for the cannabis sphere, Andy can be found devouring and writing about movies, music, and literature. His happy place is in front of the TV with his bong and two cats, Poe and Rigby.